Terms of Engagement

Courtesan

From the French, it also has its roots in the high class whores of the Venetian Renaissance, the cortigiana. Historians describe essentially three sectors of sex work definitive of the period; the meretrice; ‘harlots’ who operated on the streets, infamously around the Rialto bridge. They serviced working class men, street traders, the common soldiery and such. The cortigiana were indoor sex workers, and they were split in to two classes; the cortigiane di lume who worked in brothels and serviced middle class men, and the cortigiane oneste who serviced rich and powerful men from private residence. From what I understand, sometimes the oneste were once lume who managed to ascend to heights, or they were the daughters of former oneste who were schooled by their mothers.

Venice, at that time, had a strict class based code of dress; the lower classes of whores were restricted in the fashion styles they were allowed to adopt; unable to dress respectably in order to not ‘taint’ Venetian wives through assimilation. A sign of an oneste was that her relative wealth and proximity to power allowed her the freedom to flout the dress codes.

The term courtesan was then used throughout European Modernity, to refer to women who had transactional, temporary relationships with one, or a few, rich men. The term was also more generally used to refer sex workers operating out of wealthier brothels or private houses, servicing the growing professional, middle classes by more casual, but nonetheless lucrative, arrangement.

Dominatrix/Domme/Domina/Maitresse

The term ‘dominatrix’ is a derivative of the Latin, to dominate, feminized. An early infamous example of the dominatrix in fiction is the Venus in Furs, the erotic novella by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (whose name gives us the term ‘masochism’), which details a lusty affair between a submissive man and an imperious woman, dressed in fur.

Female domination has always had a correspondence or adjacency to escorting, but there have been some dominatrixes throughout history who have brushed off the association. Is this a ‘vanity of small differences’ taboo evasion? A desire to promote the idea of the dominatrix as having an elevated status to ‘common whores’? Or is it a practical way to pre-empt embarrassing confusions when clients book ‘straight’ dommes expecting sex to be a part of the picture?

Either way, the classic ‘straight’ Domme subordinates her subs (who fall willingly!) through verbal humiliation, corporal punishment, sadism, domme-sub role plays, and teasing/withholding, bondage and physical holds. There is a soft domme/sensual domme version, where the female is still in charge (yum) but the boundaries of the D/s session may be less strict or severe or more playful, and where physical intimacy/sensuality may appear.

Escort

The term originally referred to, in the Victorian sense, a social companion, akin to a chaperone or a lady’s companion. It became associated with the sex industry in the 20th century. The shift to paid sexual companion probably happened gradually and was used euphemistically, so sex workers could ‘hide in plain sight’. Seemingly, this specific term was solidified in the public imagination - as akin to whores - by the 1941 film Escort Girl staring Betty Compson.

The term was particularly fashionable in the 1990s and 2000s, but seems to be in recession. The euphemisms for prostitute arguably jump the shark for fashion (and legal) reasons; colloquialisms like ‘working girl’ and ‘call girl’ were once de rigueur and became old draw. New terms seem to be overtaking ‘escort’; with companion, travel muse, and professional girlfriend becoming popular, particularly in the US.

GFE/Professional Girlfriend/Sugaring

GFE, or “girlfriend experience.” I’ve never been enormously fond of the term—it always made the idea of offering intimacy sound like a 1970s prog-rock band. In any case, its meaning exists along a continuum. On the one end, it can simply mean an escort who’s up for a bit of smooching with her clients. On the other, it can refer to a longer-term arrangement a companion builds with a client—something closer to “sugaring.” I’ve never cared much for that specific term either; it’s a glittery, kitschy way to skirt around the sex industry’s associations, likely born from the legal prohibitions around escorting in the US.

High Class (Also, Elite)

A term with much anxiety attached to it from within the sex industry itself. Indeed, arguably, whereas escort as a term is strain to loose its popularity ‘high class escort’ - a product largely of the 2000s - is already an anachronism.

Probably its most famous example comes from TV series Secret Diary of a Call Girl, Billie Piper’s character introduces herself by telling us; “I am very high class; I charge by the hour, and I charge a lot.” However, as memory serves me, the original memoir the show is loosely based on, didn’t have this exact line. Indeed, Brooke Magnanti’s self-portrait of a London escort, rather than demanding reverence with terms like ‘high class’, instead showcased a cynical exceptionalism, in typical Gen X style. This was about showing off ‘being better’ but in subtle ways, through inferences and posture, not announcement. Indeed, her writing voice always reminded me of an eroticised Daria - a kind of clever, but insecure, self importance. The energy was; ‘I’m better than you, but I hate myself anyway’. Whereas, the TV series made the ‘high class escort’ Hannah more unproblematically and struttingly self assured, in typical feminine pop-media style. She got ‘Carrie Bradshawed’.

In more recent years, consciousness around the issues of Whorearchy have made explicit reference to class unfashionable. But rather than disappearing, status posturing has instead become inference coding based on aesthetics and subliminals.

Independent (Escort)

The terminology is in itself, self explanatory. But there is an odd contradiction at the heart of the ‘modern independent escort’. It is exceedingly difficult in a digital space bloated with AI slop, to truly poppy one’s head above the endless dross of rip-off fake ‘escort directory’ sites that fill up any engine search. As such, escorts are still pretty dependent on escort directories, which for the UK, means AW. I didn’t want to head up my alphabetic glossary with this drab of a site, so you’ll find it under Wadoltburk, below. Anyway, the point is, that it is hard to completely own the term ‘independent’, when so much of our relationship with clients comes mediated through a advertising platform that has an uncomfortable monopoly and is contemptuous of its main clients, us dirty whores.

Kink/Fetish

The concept of Kink has always been messy, in and out of the sex industry. Initial sexological analysis of Fetish pertained to pathology, and tended to view male submission/masochism as more innately perverse than the female iteration. In the modern escort context, Kink/Fetish are often use to connote a broad field of non-vanilla eroticism, not restricted to classic Mistress Whips style domination. It includes a wide panoply of peccadillos, from spanking and nipple clamping, to wrestling and smothering, bondage and role-play. For me, for something to count as ‘kink’ it has to have some theatrical departure from expected roles and sexual expectations and not just be generically ‘aggressive’, ‘dirty’ or pornographic. (NB: Dudes what think they are Dirk Diggler throwing women around without prior conversation of boundaries and safe words or any concept of playfulness or theatre are not doing Kink, they are just being regular, old-fashioned, garden variety, yawn inducing, stomach upsetting, douche bags).

MILF

Mum I’d like to (fornicate with). Like High Class, this terms seems to be on the out. In porn it has been displaced by the Stepmother archetype. Whether this was intentional or not, making the ‘sexy mum’ figure a stepmother, gave pornographers the scope to make her younger than the original Mrs Robinson MILF, as she doesn't need to be old enough to have a teen/young adult son under her reproductive belt. Indeed, the original Mrs Robinson MILF was a beautiful, well-preserved middle aged woman who seduced her son’s friends (made famous by the 1967 film The Graduate starring Ann Bancroft). The Stepmother is instead often only in her 20s (though not always) and marrying much older men and having it off with their teenage sons. Because porn is full of sensible lifestyle choices.

Sex Worker

The term was coined by activist Carol Leigh, ‘The Scarlet Harlot’ (who I share both initials and hair tone) as an alternative to ‘prostitute’, which was believed to have innately negativistic connotations. It has been around for some time, but arrived properly in the ‘lingua franca’ a a go-to term for us whores and harlots, only fairly recently, perhaps due to digital media’s ability to allow marginal groups to exert more cultural influence. It's used broadly to mean anyone who works selling erotic entertainment, pleasure or intimacy, from escorts, to porn performers or dominatrixes.

Wadoltburk

The purple site. Operated seemingly from Panama with an opaque business background and various ‘economic concerns’ in places like Cyprus and Jersey and no clear publicly accessible paper trail of who owns what. Need I say more?

This British escort directory emerged in 2005, and yet then, as now, still has the aesthetic of a secondhand car dealership site from the mid-90s. They have since tried to update the site with various spinoffs, which can’t be that popular given that the original browser is still clunking along. Not only is it exceedingly ugly and old fashioned (in the worst possible way) it is becoming increasingly expensive to advertise. Though a basic profile is free, the various necessary excess adverts (Available today, phone displays and escort featuring) cost about £15 per day. That might not seem like much, but those working regular days may be spending anything from £200-£350 per month. And given that its product has never improved in the length of its existence in any meaningful sense, this is a tad outrageous.

I believe others have noticed the numbers of people advertising on the site has decreased markedly; one would imagine as a consequence of multiple variables, including the prevalence of sites like Onlyfans, laws restricting access to adult content, and (despite hobbyist carping about pricing) the relative deflation of sex work prices in the last 20 years, when compared to living costs. What the purple site seems to be doing to try and retain its stamina in the industry is going into regular tail spins of unworkable initiatives and unannounced price hikes. These may or may not signifying its in its “rage, rage against the dying of the light”, period. One can but hope.

I generally prefer the model of its American equivalent, Tryst.

Tryst

Tryst as in casual date, with its inferences of balmy summer affairs in white hotel linens. And the American escort site. Not only has it a fresher look, and an easier to navigate interface, it has a more logical economic model for advertisers than the above. I also believe it is owned and run by former sex workers, not shadowy tax dodgers. Shame it’s not more popular in the UK.

Whorearchy

Whorearchy refers to sex workers defending class differentials within the sex industry. The perennial: ‘I’m better than other whores’. It could refer to anything from dominatrixes and strippers asserting moral superiority on ‘full service’ providers, to escorts comparing themselves favourably to those who charge less than them or advertising their sexual antics more explicitly. It could be about avoiding ‘the wrong kind’ of digital associations, admonishing escort advertisements deemed ‘tacky’ or niche body types as ‘unappealing’.

Though the term is more often used to refer to the perception of sex workers punching down, or treating themselves as exceptional, I think it can have its inverse quality. Those escorts who accuse others of lying about client gifts or high earnings, or judging others as divas for engaging in professional behaviours such as effective marketing or professional screening. In general sex workers are stigmatised. As such, there is a lot of anxiety and internalised whorephobia. ‘Whorearchy’ versions of ‘keeping up with the jones’s’ is symptomatic.